Exclusive: Kaïcha Sacking Fiasco

29th July 2022
  • Kaïcha has a meltdown at Landos, 7kms from her point of departure, 24 hours after her solemn vow to be good
  • Christophe declares himself sick of this assery and offers to replace, yes replace, Kaicha
  • McIntyre mules over his options, including asserting authority
  • Right-leaning village of Landos in a donkey tizzy
  • Rumours of compromising Kaïcha selfies could not be confirmed

By our Daily Tail correspondents on the ground in the Cévennes

It was a day like any other, only more so.

Brian McIntyre, an arriviste Donkey Whisperer from Dublin, came at 7.30am to the donkey hotel to collect Kaicha, his latest bestial fashion accessory.

Kaïcha had spent her night rolling in the dust pit, braying with the girls, and generally enjoying her barley-champagne-laden accommodation. Eye witness, Papillotte, described how Kaicha was incandescent when she saw “this loser McIntyre” show up with his 30kgs of gear, yet again.

7kms later, chaos broke out at Landos, a squinting village which endorsed Marie Le Pen in 2022, and is sensitive to strangely accented interlopers who might steal their jobs, “or their husbands”.

Three independent sources confirm that Kaicha refused to move an inch for a whole 50 minutes, embarrassing McIntyre into unstrapping all his precious, bullshit gear and putting it back on again, just in case the balance was incorrect.

Kaicha was seen taking a dump and eating beech leaves, unperturbed.

Equine sources close to the 17-year-old flibbertigibbet say that her favourite gîte is in Landos, and as a result, she has decided to stay in Landos.

Owner Christophe was seen talking to McIntyre from his donkey-base in Monastier. Our in-house lip readers confirm his irate response to the Landos impasse, which lasted two episodes of Fair City.

“This bleedin’ donkey is doing my head in”.

The Daily Tail can exclusively confirm that Christophe offered to replace Kaicha, exchanging her with an older, wiser, less diva-like lady donkey.

This stunning development was refused by McIntyre, worried about the optics, the ignominy, and the hassle of dating fresh ass.

He opted to keep going, and see if he could rekindle their happy days of yore, whilst putting a little more authority in place, to boot.

Meanwhile, The Daily Tail is in receipt of those compromising Kaicha selfies.

Kaicha’s PR representatives could not be reached. They were last seen eating grass and beech leaves at the side of the road, outside their offices.

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